November 30th - Expecting less and offering freedom to grow.

The story...

I expected way too much from every class I took.  I imagined the best from the syllabi and believed the instructor's opening arguments and impassioned pleas.  For each class, I imagined me studying diligently, staying curious, applying truths, and being a better, more capable, version of me as a result.  I wanted the instructor, me, and classmates to live up to my expectations yet they seldom did - I expected so... much from us all.  Yes, I was the "Idealist."

Maybe expecting little from the people, within the only church in town, is the best way to appreciate the actualities.  Maybe many of our problems within community are rooted in our expectations for them and us.  God doesn't expect much from the old nature we were born with.  He did the heavy lifting to restore our relationship with Him.  He provided the Way to erase the sin barrier between He and we.  Why not enjoy things as they are, imagine together, and allow the freedom for each of us to grow as we've been gifted?  Might the best "only church in town" be characterized as graceful?

Just for today...

"It's unrealistic to expect perfection from an imperfect being in an imperfect world. The only perfection I can hope to attain is to be perfectly imperfect."  Hope for Today (p. 335)

"Everyone who plays a part in our lives offers something we might learn. Other people can be our mirrors, reflecting our better or worse qualities. They can help us to work through conflicts from the past that were never resolved."  Courage for Change (p. 335)

November 29th - Trying to control the uncontrollable? Why?

The story...

The weather is going to vary.  We can attempt to control it by moving to a new spot on the globe yet it will vary there too.  It's true that we can influence the weather but can we really control it?  

We're better able to plan for weather variation in our homes.  We can look at the short-term forecast and  plan accordingly.  Many change their home's environment using: a thermostat with heat and cooling source(s);  a hygrometer to start up the humidifier or dehumidifier; and reported pollen counts to begin filtering the air or closing the windows.  Yet some people don't like it the same way and the weather within the house varies too - the settings are agreed to by compromise or directed by those with authority - it's never quite right.

So, some of us build houses that are sustainable under all reasonable weather expectations and don't require excessive effort to control them.  The people change the way they dress and behave differently.  They may choose to work in the morning, go to the air-conditioned mall or beach, when it's hot; or even travel during periods of weather that're not to their liking.  They accommodate the weather rather than judging it an attempting to control it.   They might not even have an opinion about the weather and actually appreciate the variation - that sounds good to me.  Yet, I'm going to heat, cool and filter to adjust for the extremes that significantly affect my life - just like I'm going to plan on dressing to fit the forecasted weather.

I choose to be thankful for each day's weather and refuse to judge it as being either good or bad.  I want to live my life accommodating the variation and appreciating it rather than working never-ending cycles of measuring, judging, controlling, and deeming it as either good or bad.  And, I want to treat the people that I interact with, in community, in a similar way.  Engage in their lives and enjoy each other without trying to fix, manage, and control them according to what I expect is best for them.  They won't all be my friends yet I intend to offer grace, mercy, love, and respect to all.

The only church in town will be thankful for the grace, forgiveness, and love that God pours out on us through our Lord Jesus the Christ.  Church people will work out a similar, albeit clunky, graceful heart within their relationships too - mirroring how God loves them.

Just for today...

"Being an adult was looking good on the outside and not feeling what was going on the inside . . . The first thing to go was the control over others - it simply doesn't work  . . .  Today I can risk being myself. I don't have to live up to anyone's image."  Courage to Change (p. 334)

"Today I can put the past where it belongs and focus on taking care of myself. I needn't wait for someone to do it for me."  Hope for Today (p. 334)

"This self-imposed struggle to control the uncontrollable is certainly not rational."  One Day at a Time (p. 334)

November 28th - What's it like to be heard?

The story...

It's a special thing to be in a relationship where you both: have similar aims; are free to be honest; communicate openly and respectfully; and are understood by a listener who's actually capable of understanding you - they actually care.  If the sharing is balanced, you'll likely grow together and look forward to every meeting.  I'm so thankful for my close fiends.

I hope you enjoy these three friendship quotes from C.S. Lewis's book "The Four Loves."  I've listened, and enjoyed an audio version of this book at least a half-dozen times - enjoy!

• “Friendship ... is born at the moment when one man says to another "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .”
  
  
• “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."
  
  
• “I have no duty to be anyone's Friend and no man in the world has a duty to be mine. No claims, no shadow of necessity. Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself (for God did not need to create). It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”

― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

The only church in town will be a group that contains many friends that make up a better whole.  They will share a common aim, hope, and experience - together.  Each friendship, a good story in the epic saga of life.

Just for today...

"I lugged my childhood grudges into adulthood . . . All I really needed was to be heard. Then I could let go of some ugly feelings."  Hope for Today (p. 333)

"I will learn . . . to recognize my errors, to see the roadblocks of self-will and self-righteousness I have been putting in my way. Then I will no longer insist that a thing is impossible because I have been unable to accomplish it."  One Day at a Time (p. 333)

"Many of the things I had once thought of as virtues - taking care of everyone around me, worrying about other people's lives, sacrificing my own happiness and prosperity - turned out to be the causes of my misery!"  Courage to Change (p. 333)

November 27 - Top 10 Reasons I'm Thankful

The story...

I'm so thankful to be thankful because I am thankful.

Here are my top ten reasons for being thankful:

1. God's word that confirms I'm right with God due to faith in Christ's redeeming work alone.
2. Each breath I breath - to be alive.
3. My life partner who promised to stick with, and love me, no matter what.
4. Family members who I share life and love with.
5. Ability to receive, understand, store, recall and apply knowledge.
6. Close friends with whom I walk through life towards a common aim.
7. A warm, comfortable, safe home within the security of the USA.
8. Mobility to go where I want to go and care for myself.
9. Wise, "Yes," choices that help me grow and be.
10. Medical system that enables me to be active and relatively pain free.

The only church in town will teach, preach, and proclaim good reasons for being thankful.  In a community, there will be circumstances where the comforts of this life don't seem within reach.  Yet, their souls often sing with joy - faith worked our it reality.  Community living like this should have been in my top ten list - I wonder where I should have inserted it and what it would have replaced?

Just for today...

"If I so choose, I can regard everything that happens in my life as a gift from which I can learn and grow."  Courage to Change (p. 332)

Were you looking for someone who meets your needs yet expects little of you?  That's a pet - like a dog.

November 26th - Relationships - Good "Vibes" - Like tennis?

The story...

My close relationships are very important to me.  They require an investment of my whole self for focused periods of time.  Here's the glue that makes 'em stick for me:

• Who: similar personalities and journeys - ages from 35 yrs younger to 5 yrs. older.
• What: equal sharing, & listening, of life's reality & ideas for what is and might be.
• Where: at a coffee shop, restaurant, church, or via computer.
• When: every other week - convenient time of day - one to two+ hours.
• Why:  honestly sharing life-walks - giving & receiving - growing together.
• How: sharing equally without unrequested opinion - like a good game of tennis.

How is a good relationship like a good game of tennis?  You share equally by taking turns serving and returning the ball.  You treat each other with respect or you won't continue to play.  Must plan to meet periodically at a court and time that's okay for both.  You've similar goals for the tennis experiences.  You'll accommodate your partner as physical limitations happen.  The joy of returning their shot on the sweet-spot of your racquet, at the same level of energy, is invigorating - it's like you're fully connected yet being fully independent.  Conversation with a good friend is a lot like that.  Please don't even think about turning the joy of a relationship into a win-lose game like tennis might be.

The sweet-spot of the racquet is where the vibrations of the racquet cancel out and the forces are more fully transferred into the ball return.  Those vibrations are irritating, fatiguing and even harmful to our bodies.  Yes, a good conversation and a good tennis volley are similar.  We all know how fatiguing the unwanted "vibes" between people can be - they aren't okay within a close relationship - they continually wear down, erode, and destroy relationships.

The only church in town will be one group with a kind of personality of their own.  There'll be sub-groups that'll have their own personalities too.   Within these "purposed" groups you'll find opportunities to develop friendships with a person(s) similar to you.  These relationships will be like walking side-by-side through life focused on reality - the most important spiritual reality that truly lasts.  When we stray from the path, a friend can help us  "wake up" and return to the life-giving path.

We're blinded to this spiritual reality when we focus on ourselves and ignore who we actually are as creatures - creatures created by a living and active God.  He's interested and powerfully working through our todays, tomorrows, and our eternal future too - He says so.  Experiencing a relationship with Him in Christ is like no other.  

Just for today...

"... we don't tell anybody what to do. People only accept and use advice they're ready for . . . When I am asked for advice, I know only what I would do if I were faced with the same problem, and not what would be right for another."  One Day at a Time (p. 331)

"I learned to trust no one, to stay silent at all costs, to stuff my feelings, never to stand up for myself, to take on more responsibility than I could handle, to love conditionally, and to tell white lies to cover up my home life. No wonder as an adult I perceived that close interpersonal relationships were like constantly moving targets.  Usually I was the one who was moving because I lacked the skills to develop and maintain healthy adult relationships."  Hope for Today (p. 331)

November 25th - Might my imagined reality be bent? Unrealistic? Blinding me from truth?

The story...

I thought it wise to imagine and create a positive self image of: who I was, how I wanted to be perceived, how I planned to change, and how I'd execute the plan.  I'd hold onto this imagined reality and defend it even if it took much persuasion and the bending of reality too.  I wanted to be perceived as a good actor in the story of life and reap the rewards.  Sadly, my imagined reality and story didn't mesh well with other people's imagined plans and stories.  So, I worked to influence, manipulate, or even control them so that they supported my story - like supporting actors in the story of "me."  It's hard to write this, let alone read it aloud, yet it seems true to my nature.

Surely, the world is harsh, alongside other selfish people, so it seems reasonable that we adopt a self-created role that allows us to get along while still trying to get our needs met.  When our efforts to get along don't work, we may pick up our toys and go home - stay isolated - seeking warmth within the small comfort found by wrapping up in that old raggedy blanket of our self image - sounds a bit cold and Grinchy.

The only church in town will share God's revealed Word about the nature that we were born with - the selfish, self-sustaining, and self-promoting nature that looks toward meeting our own needs first.  They will hear about what God did to pay for our redemption, pay our God-offensive debts, so that we might walk through this life and eternity with our most holy God and Father.  Wow, that's good news they will hear there - the story to know and share.

Just for today...

"Sometimes the greatest growth comes through pain, but it's not the pain that helps me grow, it's my response to it.  Will I suffer through the experiences and continue as before or let the pain inspire change that helps me grow?"  Courage to Change (p. 330)

November 24th - We're either getting better or worse - nothing stays the same.

The story...

Somebody told me that about their habit of seeking to discover at least one thing of value from every conversation.  Looking for those "golden nuggets" helped him to listen, and stay engaged, in what might've been a boring or taxing conversation.  The speaker appreciated the attentive listener - albeit offered with a selfish motive.  Yes, this is one way to win friends and influence people for your benefit - and the speaker's heard too.  Everybody wins - right?

The self-help book craze had a resurgence in the 1960s and continued strong for decades.  Yet, trying to be, or acting to be, somebody different than who you actually are, is wrought with problems.  Being a good actor in life, who's well received by others, seems like a good path; yet, being that good person and working out that reality more naturally seems better.  Yet, there's much reason to believe we often need to "fake it to make it" - how else do we become who we want to be?

There will be authentically good people who are interested in you, yes you, within the only church in town.  Some will be redeemed - walking more rightly and humbly with God - you'll be compelled to listen to their conversation, heart, and spirit/Spirit connection.  That's the power of God - when you receive . . . you won't desire anything better.  Surely, you'll drift away but He doesn't leave His adopted sons and daughters there long.  He loves those that are His.  The first and second greatest commandments is living within the "sweet spot."

Just for today...

"How many have given me a constructive idea to take away with me and use? That is the only measure of a truly valuable meeting."  One Day at a Time (p. 329)

"What can I do by day's end to improve myself? Is there something I can learn? Is there some challenge I can meet? Is there some old tired fear I can walk through and be rid of?"  Courage to Change (p. 329)

November 23rd - Fear: name 'em, decide, move forward, and put 'em away

The story...

My lumbar defects are my current physical problem(s) that can easily lead me to feel anxiety, whine, and succumb to fear for the present and future.  I know that this type of fear can cause our exceptionally strong back muscles to tighten up around our spines.  I'm told this "tightening" exasperates the problem, which can accelerate the degradation, and potentially lead to subtle, yet unrepairable, nerve damage.  So, worrying doesn't just "not hurt" but causes ongoing, and potentially ongoing, "hurt."

Worrying, anxiety and fear clearly are not okay for back pain.  Yet, I wonder why worrying, anxiety, and fear are ever warranted.  Truly these emotions can spur us on towards that first step towards a better course of action, or being, that we would enjoy - better circumstances.  It took me about a week to stop whining about this resurrected pain of the type I felt before -about 15 years ago.  Yet, it seems better to acknowledge emotions, make sense of them, and then put 'em away when their purpose is fulfilled.

With regards to my back problems; the medical system is designed to do what I can't do for myself - true the process needs my attention and involvement; but, they intervene to effect the change.  Most people, working me through the process, seem to love me along the way as they give me what I need - that's a real good part of life - kinda like receiving love.

There are some truths about life that I don't want to face today.  For those, a reasonable amount of anxiety will help me remember and motivate me to take action - to move forward or change.  It does make sense to be "in tune" with our emotions.  Taking that first step can be real hard.  I'm thankful for friends who can help us shine the light of reality on our conditions - I have a history with people caring for me and their kind intervention is interpreted, by me, as love.

Many of the people within the only church in town will be "okay" enough to listen to, and care for, their fellow pilgrims.  They'll hear their fellow's words, emotions, self stories, and share together about the better reality of being and walking rightly with God  (Micah 6:8).

Just for today...

"Just for today I will not be afraid of anything. If my mind is clouded with nameless dreads, I will track them down and expose their unreality . . . God is in charge of me and mine."  One Day at a Time (p. 328)

"I kissed her tears away, the way I wanted her to do for me when I was a child . . . I held her, and we cried together in joy and love."  Hope for Today (p. 328)

November 22nd - Rightly related to God?

The story...

I prefer a day: waking up at a consistent time thankfully with prayer; planning for and doing good; being honest with reality; loving me and others; exercising my body and mind - strengthening each; saying yes; meditating without thinking about the clock; dispatching potentially obsessive thinking within five minutes; tuning into my spiritual radio - albeit the station has much static; giving - being kind and receiving kindness; feeding my body and my soul too; seeking to understand before being understood; walking forward on my pilgrimage alongside close friends who're near; and being the person who God created and wills me to be.  Yet, my free will chooses to do differently each day.  Why?

My noble motives for behaving differently, even in the opposite direction, include my: need to be safe from harm; personal protection boundaries; scarcity of resources; American dream of the good life; acceptance by others; need to fix, manage, and control other people towards my vision of their good; avoiding fears from the past, present, and future; desire to receive good grades from the judge(s); escape from unfavorable circumstances; pain avoidance; telling of my good life story; loyalty to my family; and my justifications for the way things are - "justified."

I expect that the first paragraph is about my being rightly related to God and the second paragraph is about self protection and promotion.  The first paragraph was possible because my unholy self nature was judged, found wanting, yet redeemed and reconciled with God, sin debt paid for, by God Himself in Christ - "I'm with Him."  My part was believing on God and His great redemptive work in Christ.

The second paragraph characterizes me working out life by me and for me.  Thankfully, my conscience and the Spirit of God convicts me of this wrong way of being before I cause too much harm.  He restores me daily in a loving way.  My life seems to be a continuing cycles of restoration that're heading in a good direction - like we might expect a loving Father to perform for those who are His.

The PDCA model is good - yet, different - standardizing & sustaining change

The only church in town will learn and know that they can respond to His calling and be His.  They'll find fellow pilgrims to walk together with through life's circumstances.  Yes, a continuing series of restorative cycles that strengthen our need for receiving love from our heavenly Father - that kind of love is infectious - It can't stay still.  Love spreads far and wide - shining Light everywhere.

Just for today...

"Half an hour's meditation is essential except when you are very busy. Then a full hour is necessary."  Francis de Sales

"First I need to develop a relationship with God . . . Next, I learn to become at peace with myself . . .  I can't be that person when I'm overly controlled by guilt, fear, and resentment and negligibly aware of my gifts and talents . . . Lastly, I start acting responsibly toward others."  Hope for Today (p. 326)

"...conflicting views become merely different views, so our problems can be solved with tolerant understanding and mutual respect."  One Day at a Time (p. 326)

November 21st - What does a "broken" person let go of?

The story...

I did my best, created a comfortable home, and tried to help those in my care to be their best.  Then something upset the game board - other people's games and the circumstances of life.  The tokens, pegs, fake money and cards were strewn about - the game of life no longer worked - it was moving in directions that I didn't plan for or expect.  There had to be a better way. 

A friend recommended that I meet with a group of people who might just help me turn my chaos into a new and better way of living.  I'm so thankful that I "Zoomed" into a virtual meeting with the group. They too, recognized that their efforts to fix, manage, and control life and people didn't work.  The problem wasn't with the other people, it was with me.  I learned much in the first year and lived a better way the second year.  I live a different life now, respecting relationships with people, more fully trusting God, and bearing fruit that both I and others enjoy.  A more humble life walking more closely to the truth.  My more trusting and open relationships with others, good friends, and God enable a wonderful sort of pilgrimage towards the Celestial City together.  It's the good stuff that eluded me during my early and working years.  Strangely, I'm soo... thankful for the brokenness that upset my boat, knocked down my house of cards, and helped me to see our God given life more honestly and clearly.

The only church in town will be comprised of people in all stages of life.  They'll learn about the reality of life together.  Each person will have a different personality, and when together, will form a group personality too.  The personality of the group will reflect their "head" - their Lord.

Just for today...

"Some people don't know how badly they need a new way of life until disaster overtakes them."  One Day at a Time (p. 326)

"Today I know that I can't fix anyone else but myself, and I challenge myself daily to seek a richer, more meaningful life. I'm taking risks, facing fears, making changes, speaking up, making myself available to life."  Courage to Change (p. 326)

November 20th - Why listen to, or share, uncomfortable realities about me?

The story...

"What's my husbands name? . . . Do you even know how many kids I have? . . . Do you care? . . . It's all about you!"  This was the stinging message that I heard from one of my trusted reports.  She was making the claim that I cared for what she could produce and not truly for her as a person.  Whoa . . . the facts were clearly true . . . but wasn't the workplace suppose to be about work, accomplishment, and my objectives?  Wait, I meant to say "our" objectives - or did I?  As a supervisor I wasn't suppose to get too close or have favorites - was I?  I could justify my behaviors but it didn't sit well - I knew she was speaking "her" truth.   Was it possible to be the same good man in all of my endeavors?

Surely there were good examples out there - real people who still had their skin on 'em - not just some glorified biography of the ideal.  It happened when a guy was transferred to my department.  His current supervisor suggested that I witness his performance appraisal delivery.  I was surprised to see a virtuous man honestly and respectfully delivering his performance assessment along with their mutual understanding of their working relationship.  Wow ... I wanted to be more like him.  That great man, leader, and friend of many, died a few years later from cancer - life ain't fair.

The only church in town will be built on relationships - less guarded honest relationships.  Yet, we can't realistically expect to relate well with everyone or even most people.  We're all different and most are operating in another stage of life.  The community will be okay and respect all people as they "be."  Yet, they'll all share within a better way - trusting in God.

Just for today...

"Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want  to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations."  George Bernard Shaw

"What about those times when I heard truths about myself that left me feeling angry, embarrassed, or upset? When given the occasion to hear or speak an uncomfortable reality, I have choices. I can hear it and grow, I can share it and grow, or I can ignore it in favor of maintaining my comfort zone."  Hope for Today (p. 325)

November 19th - If I practice not sharing opinions - will I replace them with a listening ear?

The story...

My career may have chose me - I'd practiced the habits, and developed the personality, to explain my perspective and win agreement.  My work practices, tools, and change management success carried over into other areas of my life too.  I became more: illustrative; flamboyant in my story telling; better at painting mental images to be commonly understood; succinct in posing the right question(s); and consistent in behaving according to my expected behavior.  Sometimes, the desired perspectives were those of the organization that I was part of and not necessarily my own.

The burden of working out my life, wearing different hats, took its toll.  The incongruity between my inner-man and the roles that I accepted was bothersome - dissatisfaction with parts of life.  My life was not characterized as peaceful - more like a never ending quest to model good behavior - be the best that I could be - measure up. So, I planned the long and arduous process of earning my PhD - "then life would be great."  It was a good change worked out for over 10 years and experienced for about 10 years.  I learned and grew much through my studies, research, dialog, enlarged mental models, building onto and protecting my share of the body of knowledge, teaching, and mentoring.  Yet, my inner-man needed something more.

A period of brokenness helped me wake up and see my strife and struggles more clearly - I needed help.  I accepted an offer for help and joined others who were also more-honestly becoming better people.  The lessons learned and applied were wonderful - I truly love all those people that I grew with.  My life became more congruent, peaceful, restful, thankful and engaging.

The only church in town will be a place where you will hear about a better way to be.  You will, meet those who are growing in a similar way and stage of life.  Over time, a few of those people may even become best friends who you can openly and honestly grow with.  Friends like that aren't required to live good a good life yet I wouldn't give 'em up without a fight.  True, they must be held loosely or it likely isn't true friendship.  Honestly seeking to understand, before being understood, is a good first step toward developing those good friendships.

Just for today...

Do you want to fix them for your own personal comfort or honestly for them?

If you wouldn't want somebody to say "it" to you then don't say "it" to anyone else.

November 18th - "My life was mostly good - I'm thankful for that."

The story...

A friend of mine met my mother in her independent-living home on Tuesday.  I introduced him to her and they settled down to one-hour conversation about her life past and present - him in a chair and her laying comfortably in bed.  It was a great joy listening to my mother describe her life - mostly good but there was bad stuff too.  She shared her hope that her kids, grand kids, and great-grand kids would go to church.  Her greatest pain was the loss of her husband in 2011 - she described how she missed him every day.  They lived a good life and that made her happy.  The surprises and joys, in her current life, were centered around the different people that are caring for her and meeting her needs.  "I never was around people like that, I really like them and some of them feel like friends."  That was her unexpected joy - she thinks that relationships like these might be why she lived so long.

The only church in town will ideally be like that independent-living home.  There will be some paid staff doing their jobs yet most of the caring and loving will be shared between each other.  People living out their life and faith in God's Word together.  The love my mother felt at the independent-living center surprised me every time I visited.  What if you spent more time with the folks in a church?  You might be surprised at the love you witness, receive and seem to offer to others.  Many of us are clunky and different so it might appear in unexpected and surprising ways.  Love experienced is worth it.

Just for today...

"If I can see nothing but my troubles, I am seeing with limited vision. Dwelling on these troubles allows them to control me. Of course I need to do whatever foot-work is required, but I also need to learn to let go."  Courage to Change (p. 323)

"When I'm uncommunicative or dishonest in my interactions, I set myself apart and feel rejected. Conversely, open, truthful communication nurtures feelings of trust and encourages me to participate fully in life. However, as I begin to change my old habits, fear of rejection sometimes tempts me to respond in old ways."  Hope for Today (p. 323)

November 17th - Why serve others?

The story...

I was asked to serve on the Child and Family Services governing board within my county.  The person who asked me wanted to ensure that this large receiver of public funds was not duplicating services and that the services they rendered were effective.  I didn't know what I was getting into and learned much over my four years of service.  First, I learned about the organization's services, organization, processes. and the roles of  board members. Then I enjoyed working with my fellow volunteers, the non-profit leaders and some of the actual service providers too.  During my last year, I chaired the board and presented our funding request to the United Way.  I asked for the largest contribution that was requested that year - the request was approved.  The experience was great - I'm a better person because of it - I remain thankful to all involved to this day.  There are so many people that care deeply for the social services within community - they do good.

What motivated me to serve within the workplace, community, or the church?  Was I seeking affirmation regarding my virtue or capabilities?  Was I looking for the admiration and acceptance of the groups?  Was I looking for awards or trophies?   Was I building a well-rounded resume?  Did I want to be counted as a good versus bad character in life?  Was I trying to absolve my previously committed sin?  Was it a latent need to win my parent's approval?  Was I ashamed to say no?  Was I trying to be a good boy?

The workers within the only church in town will have a need for volunteers and service.  The noblest of motives will be offered yet people will say yes according to a variety of reasons.  They, like me, will likely be thankful for the unexpected joy of being a bit less self-centered - actually serving and loving others.  That's some of the unexpected real-good stuff in life - "fruit."

Just for today...

"When I feel the call to service, I pray for knowledge of God's will for me to make sure it's not just me wanting to manipulate, control, or avoid something going on in my life."  Hope for Today (p. 322)

...sometimes the most competent and helpful assert themselves over-strongly and so engender hostility in others . . . We penalize ourselves when we allow disapproval of another person to endanger the unity of the group."  One Day at a Time (p. 322)

November 16th - God help me!

The story...

When my soul ached with hurt, pain, and sadness.  The kind of pressure that slowly built up until it felt like a balloon, under pressure - it had to be released before it might burst.  I learned that I sometimes needed to express my pain, strong emotions, and request for relief aloud - I mean really loud.   This meant that I needed to be alone in the house, deep in the woods on a hike, or even by myself at the end of our pier that juts out into Lake Michigan.  I let my pain rip and prayed earnestly, and loudly, for resolution, grace, mercy, justice, or healing.  My outward expression of my inner condition seemed right and good - the crying out often left me feeling more peaceful, content and thankful.

The only church in town will cry out to the Lord in times of distress and need - scripture says He hears and has the power to act according to what is best for each person and community too (Psalms 119:169; 142:1; Matthew 20:30; Acts 7:60; and Hebrews 5:7).  He wants us to pray even though He doesn't really need us to - it's something about our relationship.  The only church in town will cry out in thankfulness and praise as they see God's faithfulness and love worked out.

Just for today...

"It seems strange, when I think of it, that God is most vivid to my consciousness when I am in the depths of despair, and all I can say to Him is: 'God help me!'"  One Day at a Time (p. 319)

"You pray in your distress and in your need; would that you might pray also in the fulness of your joy."  Kahlil Gibran: The Prophet

November 15th - Love and respect requires cycles of restoration

The story...

I watched the Netflix series about the book Anne of Green Gables.  The book's a classic for a reason - the story teaches us much about life. The protagonist, Anne, writes and prints an article for her school newspaper about justice and fairness.  She tries to make amends with a girl who takes offense with the article - it damaged her reputation.  The girl cuttingly says something like: "How could a person of a trashy upbringing like you know anything about fairness and justice?"  Anne thoughtfully and respectfully responded that she was the same person now as she was then.  She was worthy of love then and now - she always knew she deserved love but didn't experience it.

"Ann with an 'E'" - Netflix series/

The only church in town will practice love and respect according to the grace and mercy that God the Father so freely gives us in the Lord Jesus the Christ - by faith.  Every man, woman, and child will experience love and respect.  Sadly, church discipline's needed when self-centered people hurt each other.  The discipline will be thoughtfully delivered along with love and respect - the aim will be to practice justice and fairness.  Cycles of forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration will be ongoing as, people who tend to be selfish, walk together towards the same destination.  The congregates will be thankful that God loves them, His creatures, and sustains them with grace, mercy, love and forgiveness.

Just for today...

"I realized that the look, tone, or mood of another person toward me often has nothing to do with me . . . my extreme sensitivity is a form of conceit - I think I am the focus of everyone's actions. Am I so important that everything that goes on around me must have something to do with me? . . . what other people did and said reflected on them; what I did and said reflected on me."  Courage to Change (p. 320)

"It's not men's acts which disturb us - but our reaction to them. Take these away and anger goes. No wrong act of another can bring shame on you."  Marcus Aurelius

"When I feel a call for service, I pray for knowledge of God's will for me to make sure it's not just me wanting to manipulate, control, or avoid something going on in my life."  Hope for Today (p. 320)

November 14th - My survival skills

The story...

Most of us developed survival skills to make it through K-12 - our elementary, junior, and high school years. High school was when I was expected to learn and experience what I needed to be a full-functioning member of society.  The graduation speech said that we had limitless potential within the United States of America.  What did I do over those 13 years?

• Learned to obey the teacher, complete assignments, and value good grades.
• Progressed through boy scouts to the rank of "Life Scout."
• Fulfilled the job requirements of a paper delivery boy for 4 yrs. - wasn't motivated to sell new subscriptions but faithfully delivered the papers and collected the money.
• Built a large wooden tool box, smashed my thumb with a hammer, sewed my own reversible vest, and cooked potato soup.in junior-high shop class.  They required the boys to take home-economics for two months during 8th grade.
• Completed drivers education and was awarded my drivers license.
• Fulfilled the requirements of a drug store general worker and delivery boy for 2 yrs.  Crashed their cars several times.
• Developed friends - mostly from band and work experiences.
• Completed all the math classless offered and survived the English classes.
• Fell in love multiple times yet didn't experience the boy-girl friend closeness that I hoped for.
  
  

My High School

Who was I at that graduation ceremony?

• Accepted Christ as my Savior at eight.
• Learned a work ethic and financial skills with the money I earned.
• Distanced myself from the church - worked every other Sunday.
• Became a story-teller to engage in group conversation.
• Looked for love where I thought it might be found - love was elusive.
• Interacted socially yet never really felt like I fit in.
• Accepted at a state college - to be an engineer.  There I expected to start over - to be somebody.
• Learned survival skills - boundaries, armor, and habits.

The only church in town is a place where you can learn the reality of being truly okay.  Okay with God, you, and your neighbors too.  I was so thankful, in 1980, when Steve and Marlene said to me:  "We would like you to go to church with us - please come."

Just for today...

"I was powerless over my childhood. The survival skills that I developed made my adult life unmanageable."  Hope for Today (p. 319)

"It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery."  Galatians 5:1 (NASB)

November 13th - What's important now?

The story...

I was busy being a Dad, Husband, Boss, Subordinate, Peer, Son, Brother, Coach, Volunteer, Friend, Head-of-the-Household and Good Man.  Everything wasn't getting done and I needed a new plan and perspective.  What do I do first?  Do I work on a chunk of my most important long term goal or do I complete a simple less-important task to quickly remove one from my long list?  I was taking an Engineering Management course at the time that introduced me to the "Eisenhower Matrix."  It was a diagram that helped me make sense of this "time management" dilemma - it was also easy to share and explain to others.

The Eisenhower Matrix

I wrote my top priorities and related tasks on my white board for both me and all others who might want to spend my time differently.  When I needed a break, I completed a few urgent non-important tasks from my in-box.  On Saturday mornings, I threw away a weeks worth of unimportant tasks from the bottom of my in-box - eventually those requesting them gave up or did 'em themselves.

An unexpected outcome, of my behavior change, was that other people took notice and set similar priorities.  The important was getting the attention and results they deserved.  Those generating unimportant tasks either eliminated the tasks or accepted the authority and responsibility for getting them done themselves.  The culture was changing and much of it began with me - along with a little help from those who came before me and my professor coach.

The most important priority, within the only church in town, will be walking rightly with God (Micah 6:8).  Other activities will have a lesser importance.  People will focus on the main thing and not major on the minor things that often results in a wandering self-focused life.

Just for today...

"...things that are urgent are rarely important, and the things that are important are rarely urgent . . . If I imagine I am in a dark room and that God is my only source of light, then my best hope for navigating around the furniture will be to bring that source of light with me."  Courage for Today (p. 318)

If you work on your mind with your mind, how can you avoid confusion?

November 12th - Learning to Love

The story...

They gave me the choice of surgery on both of my bunions at once or doing one at at time.  Doing both would have required me to navigate a wheel chair.  Friends within my workplace encouraged me to do both so that I might more fully experience the dilemmas of handicapped people within the workplace - they wanted me to voice my concerns and bring attention to the problems and possible solutions.  "You could help other people and open our workplace up to those with handicaps."

I did one at a time and hobbled around on crutches twice.  I didn't experience the wheel chair barriers yet I did need help from many people.  I needed and asked for help.  The help felt like love - I was soo... thankful and seemed to have become a more "whole" person.

SF's Quarterback "Brock Purdy" is a favorite

Might I've best learned to love by allowing others to love me as a boy?  What would it have taken for that to happen?  I would've had to: believe that true love existed, witness it being given to others, believe that I was worthy of love, trust the giver, allow imperfect people to give it in their own way, believe it, know that I'm lovable, and eventually offer love to others from the source. 

The only church in town will be characterized by loving God, others, and themselves too. It won't be a type of imagined loved that's worked up through self effort - it'll be a gift from God.  

Just for today...

"You learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to work by working; and just so you learn to love God and man by loving. Begin as a mere apprentice and the very power of love will lead you on to become a master of the art."  Francis de Sales

"He has told you, mortal one, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God?"  Malachi 6:8 (NASB)

November 11th - If you hold back your feedback or opinion - what might you learn?

The story...

What a great thing it is to spend time listening to others.  I expect that it's great for me because I've spent a relatively small portion of my life actually doing it well.  I especially appreciate listening to those who feel safe enough to lower their guard when together - lowering those protection devices that keep us safe from the imagined and real damage that others have and might inflict.  

Those guards, or boundaries, are important to keep us safe yet they also may be restraining us from experiencing unexpected treasure together.  The treasure box may reveal: insights, perspectives, interpretations, facts, ideas, happiness, joy, solutions, imagined realities, strong emotions, spiritual happenings, love experienced, road blocks, fundamental truth, inklings of what might be...  

Wow, I can hardly wait to listen to somebody new.  Where might I find the people and environment where I might risk listening, sharing, loving, and reaping this good stuff of life?  You probably guessed it - the only church in town.

Just for today...

"In the past I tried to control people, places, and things, believing that my way was the correct way . . . my way, based on insisting upon my will, did not work. Yet I kept trying. It was an insane way to live."  Courage to Change (p. 316)

So, you have a need to give somebody else feedback.  Is it true, kind, and necessary?

November 10th - A peaceful and focused mind might ...

The story...

I woke up early in pain.  I wisely didn't  make coffee or take pain medication - I was tempted to do both.  Instead, I looked at YouTube videos to learn about stretches that might relive the pain and numbness emanating from my compressed L5-S1 disc.  I found a couple that felt good and learned about a couple that I habitually did that might've contributed to the problem.  I felt better but couldn't fall back to sleep.

What might I do to fall asleep?  Work a cross-word puzzle, read historical-fiction, think about a favorite place or time, or pickup my old NASB bible and read the book of Ephesians - the book that reveals the spiritual realities of who I really am in Christ.  I read the book of Ephesians thoughtfully, repeating some of the most awesome parts, and finished in what seemed to be about 1/2 hour.  Yes, I fell asleep right with me, life, and our God in Christ.

The only church in town will repeatedly hear and enjoy the realities of who we are in Christ.  The cares of the world will creep in yet they'll be overshadowed by the cross - the place and time when God performed his redeeming work.  They'll treasure this most wonderful assurance of being found in Christ today, tomorrow, and for all eternity.   Yes, God loves the creatures He created in His image - John 3:16.

Just for today...

"Just for a minute, empty your mind of all thought. Then admit to it one single idea, and concentrate on it for a whole minute . . . The minute will seem like an hour, but at the end of this concentrated thought, the tension and confusion will have drained away..."  One Day at a Time (p. 315)

"I used to feel that if I didn't solve a problem immediately, it would remain for all time. Now I know that everything passes eventually, the happy as well as the sad."  Courage to Change (p. 315)

November 9th - Why not ask?

The story...

I didn't get what I wanted and needed because I didn't ask?  Could it be?  Yes it be.

Why not kindly and respectfully ask for what you need or want?  In many cases justification isn't necessary.  Others can express love through meeting your needs if they know what they are.  And, they might reveal their own needs in kind.

The only church in town will be like an honest and thankful family that sees others by the light of God's revealed word.  They'll express love by caring for each other - that means they'll receive love and accept care too.  That love within their inner-person, their heart, will be expressed within an intimate relationship with their Creator - their Sustainer.  That's the kinda graceful place that I wanna live.

Just for today...

"I tried to make them feel guilty by telling them how much I had done for them, or I complained that they never did their part. It never occurred to me that I could simply and politely ask for what I wanted . . . Today I am creating a better way of living, free of guilt and deception."  Courage to Change (p. 314)

"I seldom knew what was good for me, yet I knew what was best for others and didn't hesitate to tell them . . . I feared other people's anger and would do anything to avoid it, yet I was oblivious to my own . . . I can no longer harbor resentment and remain ignorant of my part in creating it . . . My entire life was transformed as a result of taking responsibility for myself, becoming willing to change, and taking action."  Hope for Today (p. 314)

November 8th - Do I truly perform to get that reaction?

The story...

I've been the story teller as long as I can remember.  I've thought that it was a personality gift that helps the group enjoy being together and to remember the past too.  Yet, maybe my primary motive was to see your reaction - the one that means you accept me - maybe even like me.  Do I really need your validation?  Why?

Where do I get my sense of self worth?  Does it come from my resources, my resume, my family lineage, my intellect, body, physical health, ideas about God, how I adorn my body, awards, job titles, academic degrees, competitive game performance, religious activity, or being well liked by "the group?"

The only church in town will offer God's revealed way for honestly loving you, God your Father, and your neighbor as yourself.  You can be okay within life's changing circumstances - bearing fruit that you haven't conjured up on your own.

Just for today...

"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13 NASB

"'I will do somebody a good turn and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count.' What a terrific exercise! It helps me break free of the habit of doing kind or generous things in order to get something back."  Courage to Change (p. 313)

"We both acquired the unhealthy aspects of martyrdom, managing, manipulating, and mothering . . . Today I manage my own life, not the lives of others."  Hope for Today (p. 313)

"Love of self . . . carries out the Commandment: 'Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.' We can love others, and help them, only when we are at peace with ourselves."  One Day at a Time (p. 313)

November 7th - "Think, what you're trying to do with me."

The story...

Why did I quickly react to people and the unexpected?  Once, there was a XL bear that was moving into our campsite deep within the Boundary Waters of Minnesota.  I was quickly on alert with an adrenaline rush.  What do I do?  He, or she, didn't look like they cared much for what I had to say or my position on the situation - they wanted our food.  There was his will (food), my will (self-preservation), and God's will.   

We resorted to our training - we, banged our aluminum pans to the point that they were deformed, missed with the only rock nearby, and finally made it to the canoe and out on the water.  Whose will was that?

The only church in town would be patient with people - slow to react.  The love of Christ, and His grace towards His body of believers, will characterize the personality of the group.  Yes, the group would have a personality - the personality of their Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ.   Yes, they'll have inherent sin natures that may look similar to the personality of the world they live in - they'll need love, grace and frequent reminders of who they actually are in Christ.

Just for today...

Before reacting: "I stop and visualize two doors. One is marked 'Same old, same old,' or 'My will.'  The other is marked 'New and different' or 'God's will.'  This gives me time to 'Think' and to choose a healthier response . . . other people's behavior belongs to them and I don't have to make it mine by reacting to it."  Hope for Today (p. 312)

"Ironically, when I give up worrying about everyone else and focus on my own health, I give others the freedom to consider their own recovery."  Courage to Change (p. 312)

November 6th - Being respectful within community

The story...

If they all jumped off a bridge - would you jump off too?  It's a frustrating truth that people often adapt to the group - try to fit in.   The Asch Conformity experiment confirms this frustrating behavior often exhibited by us humans.  Maybe that's partly why this is one of my favorite jokes - trying to fit in with the group...

Three construction guys are sittin on an I-beam, on top of a tall building project - they're eating their lunch. 
The Italian says: “If I get another pastrami sandwich tomorrow, I'm going to jump off this building.”
The other two guys stare at him for awhile and return to their lunches.

The guy from Ohio says: "If I get another egg-salad sandwich tomorrow, I'm going to jump of this building." The other two guys stare at him for a while and return to their lunches.

The guy from California hesitates, pauses, and says: "If I get another peanut-butter sandwich tomorrow, then . . . I'm going to jump off this building tomorrow too."

The next day the Italian opens up his lunch  box and disgustingly sees the pastrami, he yells "Mamma Mia!," stands up, and jumps to his death.  The other two guys can't believe what's just happened.

The Ohioan opens his box, sees the egg-salad sandwich - he immediately jumps off to his demise too. 

The Californian is now alone, he slowly opens his box to see the peanut-butter sandwich.  He stands up and jumps over the edge like the other two guys.

Three days later at their funerals, the Italian's wife says “I thought he like those pastrami sandwiches - if he only would have told me.”  The Ohioan's wife says “It is all my fault. I thought he loved egg-salad.”  The Californian's wife says “I just don’t get it, he made his own lunches.”

Wikipedia

The only church in town will guard against the perils of group think.  What a sad state it is when people pretend to be somebody they aren't or claim to believe something that isn't real to them.  Sure kids are going to want to please their parents.  But, it's especially sad when adults try to please the pastor or those people who are the "Ins."  People will have the freedom to be honest in the respectful environment of the only church in town.

Just for today...

"Boundaries . . . aren't rules I can enforce on others. They are standards of conduct I set for my own benefit . . .  boundaries are a civilizing ingredient in social interaction, a matter of self-respect and respect for others."  Hope for Today (p. 311)

November 5th - Am I working to get the reaction I want?

The story...

I've spent way too much time attempting to convince others to accept my ideas and understanding of what's right, just, and best.  My noble motive may've been to help others yet I may've been attempting to build up and promote myself.  I might have justified my proclaiming and arguing as refining my thoughts, ideas, and life purpose.  Developing them wasn't enough though, I had the need to air them out in public and persuade others to accept them too.  I wish I'd spent more time listening to and seeking to understand others - I expect that I'd have grown and matured more quickly.

The following scene from Seinfeld describes Elaine and Jerry interjecting their opinions about ponies at the family gathering.  His attempts to reconcile his behavior falls flat.  He's not getting the reactions that he hopes for - comedians need that positive reaction.  Yes, there're some underlying issues with the Seinfeld cast - it's probably funny, in part, because we can relate to their amplified exhibition of unrestrained self.

   Seinfeld: The pony...

Another reason that I like the Seinfeld series is that the characters seem to like each other just the way they are - even when they behave badly.  The only church in town will be composed of a wide variety of people who are in different stages of life.  Many to most will be primarily focused on themselves and their own needs until they discover the better way.  There'll be need for mentoring, patience, grace, and the working out of each person's faith in the reality of community - we're worth it.  

Just for today...

"The more my group showed love and respect for me, the more I was able to love myself. Then I could begin to help love others into self-love."  Hope for Today (p. 310)

"If I speak out in order to manipulate or change another person, then their reaction becomes the focus of my attention and the measure by which I evaluate the results."  Courage to Change (p. 310)

November 4th - Reset your bearings each day

The story...

I've enjoyed years of daily readings that've helped me better understand how I might best be and do each day - living life more fully in community too.   In the past, I've started many similar initiatives yet this time it's lasting.  Why?  I've a group of people who are on similar journeys that I meet with regularly.  And, new people join the group so that the group never forgets its purpose and how far each of us has grown.  Their stories are part of my story.  I value each and every member of the group - this continues to surprise me.

So, just for today, how about reflecting on the quotes, their meaning for you, and how you might act to be different.  Read, understand, reflect, decide, act and be.

The only church in town will have God's Word to read, understand, reflect on, decide, act and to be too.  The church is different from those other groups in your community that you might engage in.  All are important, yet the church may be transformational with eternally realities in clearer view.

Just for today...

"...I find that the only way to have serenity is to become willing to accept the things that I cannot change. Acceptance gives me choices."  Courage to Change (p. 309)

"Consider the little mouse, how sagacious an animal it is which never entrusts his life to one hole only." Platus : Truculentus, act iv. sc. 4.

"I don't get well first and then start to mend. To become a whole person, I need to live now, take part, and become involved with others."  Hope for Today (p. 309)

"...the main source of our unhappiness is that we ourselves don't know what we want. We think we're dissatisfied with what we have, with the way we live, and the way other people act to us. . . It really adds up to this: that we're not satisfied with ourselves, and we can certainly do something about that."  One Day at a Time (p. 309)

November 3rd - Enjoying the "we" of the group

The story...

I've written before of how much I liked my Amber-Vision glasses.  When sporting my Amber-Visions, my environment looked, clearer, more vibrant, exciting, pleasant, with a touch of expectancy for the "good life."  Sure, I wasn't always wearing them.  They weren't always there when I needed them.  They didn't fit quite as good as they aged.  The effect was less noticeable as time passed.  And, they were eventually lost or replaced.

What if we had glasses that filtered our random thoughts, pre-judgements, biases, rules, fears, and worries?  I wonder what we might sense, better understand, imagine, and experience.  How would the group look - might we feel more like "we" instead of "me" and "them?"

Scripture says that the Holy Spirit actually inhabits those who place their faith and trust in the great work of their Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ.  That means that God is present within many of those imperfect, odd, clunky, and slowing maturing people within the only church in town.  Maybe we wouldn't have to "put up" with people if we tuned into the reality of the Spirit of God in both us and others.  Whoa!  I wanna look through those lenses.

Just for today...

"Detach from the problem, but not from the person . . . Detachment motivated by love can shield us from needles pain and set the stage for a truly rewarding relationship." One Day at a Time (p. 308)

"...when any member regularly dominates the sharing and meetings, the group suffers."  Courage to Change (p. 308)

November 2nd - Offering, those you're with, your best

The story...

What an odd thing to want the best from others when we aren't willing to be that "good" person ourselves.  Worse yet, what a strange thing to want other people around us to behave according to a "best" standard that we haven't yet defined.

What do I want from those around me?  A listening and understanding ear, respect for all, loving themself and their neighbor, honesty, curiosity, eye for beauty, willingness to learn new things, participate in and support community, courage throughout each day, an optimistic view of eternity grounded in reality, sharing with those in need, and a faith that God loves us and will do good for us within His will?

What if those in our groups took the Boy Scout Oath?  "On my honor I will do my best to do my duty to God and my country and to obey the Scout Law; to help other people at all times; to keep myself physically strong, mentally awake, and morally straight."

How about the Girl Scout Law?  "I will do my best to be honest and fair, friendly and helpful, considerate and caring, courageous and strong, and responsible for what I say and do, and to respect myself and others, respect authority, use resources wisely, make the world a better place, and be a sister to every Girl Scout."

Goodness, rooted in a good heart, is infectious and if it starts within each of us then we'll likely all enjoy a better life - "Let it Start with Me."

The only church in town will work out their lives together according to the revealed Word of God.  It will be a reverent place of relationships - me with God in Christ, me with me, me with you, and you with you. 

Just for today...

"I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are moving." Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809 - 94)

"I will not reserve my deference and respect for outsiders whom I want to please or my pleasant expressions for those I want to impress. The people I live with are worthy of my best behavior..."  One Day at a Time (p. 307)

November 1st - Are you content and peaceful? Do you wanna be?

The story...

Last night I attended a meeting where I had no discernable anxious thoughts.  When we broke into sub-groups, I listened to each person's share to understand them with no evaluation process going on in the recesses of my mind.  There was 30 seconds left when somebody asked for my response, I shared an unembellished honest response.  My mind, heart, soul, and possibly spirit seemed peaceful and honest throughout the meeting.  To my knowledge, I didn't play any role - I was close to the real me.  It felt soo... good.

U.S. National Park Service

Is it possible to live a peaceful, restful, honest, condition in reality?  Our minds quieted with a strong sense of "okayness?"  To be in touch with our feelings without reacting to each unsettling impulse? Living in the present reality with me, others, the environment and the presence of God too?

The only church in town will share God's revealed word regarding the condition that He wants us to live our life in - that's real good.  Yet, it seems people aren't generally peaceful or restful and we must live our lives out among them.  Remember the greatest commandments?   They are our purpose at the highest level.

Just for today...

"All men's miseries derive from not being able to sit quiet in a room alone."   Blaise Pascal

"Sometimes a horse refuses to obey the rider's command and races out of control. My thoughts can do this too, when I frantically try, over and over, to solve a difficult problem. Riding lessons have taught me not to continually repeat a command louder, but to stop the horse, get his attention, and begin again. Likewise, when my thoughts race out of control, I need to stop."  Courage to Change (p. 306)