January 5th - Close Friendships are Worthy - "muchness"

The story...

I've planned to meet a friend today in a coffee shop that bakes wonderfully large and tasty cookies.  The refillable-ceramic coffee mugs, throngs of people huddled closely together in conversation, and the big cookie, all feel like "muchness" to me.  "Muchness" is a British romantic word meaning greatness in quantity and degree - it's a really good word to me.

My friend will update me on the reality of his life and I'll have the opportunity to do the same.  I don't need to plan what I'm going to say - our relationship is big enough that we've many ways to build on it.  It sure helps to have a listening ear that seeks to understand both my message and me better - our past interactions have led me to believe that he truly has my best interest at heart.  When I tell a story that doesn't seemed to be aligned with who he knows me to be - he'll challenge me in a kind sort of way.  This close relationship thing is real good.  I'm not so naive to think that he's fully engaged in all my stories yet I know he wants to be.  We grow together as we share our stories - that's real good, and I value him and our relationship, greatly.

Clare Ansberry makes reasonable claims about the amount of time it takes to develop a close friendship within her 1/02/24, Wall Street Journal, article: "It Takes at Least 200 Hours to Make a Close Friendship, and More to Maintain It."  My personal experience suggests that her claims have face validity. 

The only church in town will offer opportunities to discover people who are similar enough to you that you might take the risk, and invest the 200+ hours, to develop a close friendship.  Expect the process to take years rather than weeks.  These relationship endeavors are worthy.  C.S. Lewis said in his book "The Four Loves:"  "Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”   For me, close friends are a key part of the good life - the muchness.

Just for today...

"Am I trying to interfere with the natural consequences of a loved one's choices?  Am I trying to do for someone what they could do for themselves?"  Courage to Change (p. 5)

"Unless I am at peace with the child of God I am, I cannot love and help my neighbor. Regrets are vain. They can interfere with the good I could do today, the making of the better person."  One Day at a Time (p. 5)